I’m not sure I know anyone who doesn’t want good sex.
I’m also pretty sure I don’t know many people who wouldn’t struggle to answer the question “What would good sex be for you?”
Here is a really simple statement that should be universally true:
“Good Sex is sex that is enjoyable, safe and nourishing for everyone involved …….. before, during and after. “
Enjoyable: Think playful, pleasurable, exciting, connecting, exhilarating and playful (worth repeating)
Safe: It’s nearly impossible for something intimate to be enjoyable if we don’t feel safe. Obligation, duty, fear of physical or emotional safety, discomfort, pressure, shame, etc all conspire to make us feel unsafe. (Note: Alcohol/Drugs don’t make us feel safe, they just numb us to the point we don’t feel the lack of safety)
Nourishing: Anybody engaging sexually does so for a reason. If there something you need, want or desire from sex in your current sexual engagement (examples; connection, intimacy, sensual pleasure) then having that need fulfilled is nourishing. Having our sexual needs, wants and desires fulfilled brings us sexual wellness, health and balance. The other(s) have their own (possibly different) needs, wants and desires. Good sex is nourishing for all concerned.
Everyone: Whether you are having sex alone, with another person or with a room full of people, sex needs to be all of the above; for everyone for it to be good. If we pursue pleasure (particularly sexual pleasure) at the cost and to the detriment of another person we are vampires and that never works out.
Before, During and After: When we can calmly and openly come together, be together and disconnect cleanly from sex, without anxiety, doubt and fear before, without discomfort, distraction or internal conflict during and without regret, remorse or doubt after, that was good sex.
Feel free to share your thoughts.